Yesterday, I had the day off work. I took some time to help a friend who ended up not really needing anything. I kind of figured that may be the case, but, hey, who couldn’t use some time off? Paid, no less.

I sat in my chair at my makeshift desk (a vanity table sans mirror generously gifted to me by the aforementioned friend) and indulged in so many grand illusions of all the things I could get done.

Well, I discovered that I’ll eventually need to buy another dishwasher. Something is going on with mine and, though I replaced the gasket at the bottom of the door, it is still leaking. I followed the installment instructions to a T, and it worked beautifully for about 2 months. Last week, I started noticing water on the floor again. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to let me know I have a problem.

I opened the door and saw that the gasket was slipping out of place. Oh joy. Well, if I can just figure out keeping it in place for a few more months, I can pay some bills down and get a new one.

One thing I did that was not on my list is I spent some time making my office area more cozy. I hung some pictures, which is really the extent of it, but, hey, that matters. Feeling comfortable in your home matters, even if that comfort is restricted to a small corner. For now.

That is the totality of my accomplishments, unless you count drinking with one of my girlfriends. We drank vodka concoctions and formulated plans for our upcoming exciting new venture. One day, we shall rule the universe. (not the world? No. The universe. Go big, or go home). It was a fun time.

The list being neglected, however, leads me to feel unproductive because the rest of my life is in such utter disarray. Then I stop and think… list schmist. It’ll get it done when I fucking get it done. Here’s the thing, though… It’s not like I avoided those things so I could go out and improve humanity. That fact has been known to inspire feelings of guilt in the past. If I’m not caring for others, then I ought to be taking care of myself or what’s mine.

I really have to ignite some conversations between my thinking and feeling brains. I need to get them communicating effectively so that my life is managed in a more harmonious manner. Let me be honest… chaos is not cutting it for me.

For now, I will find peace and joy in knowing that I have an answer about my dishwasher (replace it) and that I have found a permanent spot to do my thing, whether that thing is paying bills, writing brilliant novels, writing crappy blogs, or making arbitrary lists of things I ought to be doing. I’ll see about actually doing some of it another time.

One thought on “Wasting Time

  1. Forward is forward…it doesn’t matter how fast you get there…it’s a marathon not a sprint! I think you’re doing a fine job figuring out some heavy shit…solid gold shit…💛❤

    Like

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